My fears as a special needs single parent
Being a parent is scary. Being a single parent is even scarier. Being a single parent of a child with special needs – its ___________(fill in the blank) Emotional, scary, tiring, lonely, joyful, rewarding, painful, exhausting – Take your pick!
It is such a mixed bag of emotions that it is hard to pick one verb. One of the things I often feel is fear. I think any parent, special needs or not can relate to that. Once you have children, you fear things on a more intense level, because you now have others depending on you, depending on your health, depending on your finances, depending on your strength.
I must say I didn’t envision being a single parent – it wasn’t planned that way, but it happened. And in the ‘now’ I am dealing with it – but sometimes when I have a quiet moment to think, I think about our futures and a fear grips me.
I won’t always be here. That’s a scary thought in itself but even scarier when you have a child with additional needs- who’s future, like everyone’s is so uncertain.
1. That I’m not doing enough to help her develop to her fullest potential.
2. That she one day resents me as she has been through all the ‘hard stuff’ – physio, hospital, learning things she finds challenging and disciplined by mainly me – but all the fun stuff being spoilt, days out a fun sleep overs – with daddy!
3. I worry about meeting a potential partner – will he be cool I have a child? Will he be fine with all the attention she gets? What if we have other children? What if I have another child with needs?
4. If I had additional children would I still be able to give her my all? – is it fair to have more.
5. Who will be there for her when her dad and I are elderly and not able to look after her 🙁
6. I worry about my future – how can I achieve more while still giving her me?
So off the back of my list of fears I thought I had better plan some actions to alleviate my fears
1. I emailed her dad and passed on my fear! Always good to have someone else as scared as you! Lol
2. I sat and thought of all the things, appointments, classes, activities I have done and will do with her to reach her fullest potential and breathed a sigh of relief as I am doing my best – and that’s all I can do.
3. I joined up to match.com and said I was looking for a man, who wants to get married , have children quickly and I am a stay at home mum. – Put it alllll out there loool – the Universe will bring me that man!
4. I thought about getting a Will drawn up and get a savings account set up – with instructions as to how she can be supported if I am not here.
As depressing as that sounds – it is actually the best thing I can do for her, G is going to thrive and be a beautiful, independent successful woman and won’t even need the savings (Hooray for my retirement fund!) but I will rest a little easier knowing a plan is in place for her )
5. I decided to start this blog- give myself an outlet, create a space for me to remember some of the things I have learnt and maybe pass on some information to others in a similar situation. No one plans to be in this situation and you are never prepared. I hope in time the blog can create opportunities for me to meet others, go places and fulfil some personal goals. Time will tell.
My other fears well only time will tell if and when those opportunities arise. I pray for a family for G and I, as well as other children but I will see how that pans out! I think I will do a separate blog about how this dating goes!