Why I suck at blogging

Why I Suck at Blogging caringinthechaos.com

Why did I start blogging? Well in my naivety I thought I would change lives, maybe even the world. Possibly help others who have young babies / toddlers who have Special needs 

I would share all I had learnt and save people time, money, frustration and helplessness.
Because they are all the things I felt at the start of this journey.

 

Why I suck at Blogging caringinthechaos.com

I’m altruistic by nature and always want to help people.

But I also wanted to let people into my world, explain and draw people into the alternative parenting world that is raising a child with special needs. In my real world I have people in my life who fail to understand or show an appreciation for the complexities of this lifestyle. I have people who make assumptions, make covert criticisms and who have lost any real interest in the everyday mundane tasks that are involved in the continuous caring for a child with complex needs.

I mean how many times can I say I have to go to the hospital before people just take it as the norm?

How many time do I have to say that I’m tired before people secretly roll their eyes and reply silently that “I’m always tired”

When does it become less of a worry when I say G is unwell again?

Well the truth is people tire of this information pretty quickly. When the new shiny baby that was cooed over isn’t as shiny and new anymore – the visits, calls and texts dry up.

When I’ve visited the hospital more than 150 times – it just gets boring to ask what’s happening with us right?

And so whilst my reality world has faded to a small circle of confidants – I hoped that my virtual world may open up – I would connect with like minded or those on a similar path.

Well the truth is 5 months in of blogging and I haven’t. I have been lucky enough to stumble into a lovely Tribal group which is a 50+ strong army of mummy bloggers. And whilst it is a great comfort to see 159 unread messages on my phone.

It has further highlighted my lifestyle difference. I haven’t the time to be “social”. I don’t have the time to read those messages get knee deep in conversations about website hosting or article reviews. I haven’t the time to engage in banter about BIBs or Mads or follower numbers (mine is 899 at the time of writing!).

I can’t engage with talk about what age did people’s children started walking – (2years , 11 months) or when their child slept through the night without waking (3 years 11 months) or when they started feeding themselves- or potty training (still waiting). Because what I have to say is SO different and not relevant to a tribe of mothers raising children without Special needs.

Why I suck at blogging caringinthechaos.com

But I am not blaming my daughters differences on why I can’t get involved. I am blaming me for not wanting to share those differences…

I would like to – as I can see it is a great community. Genuine friendships are being formed and yet I know I am not one of those who is making friends.

As I mentioned in my Ending Friendships post, I always had this niggling thought “They don’t like me” and whilst I’ve found a way to try and heal from those feelings that arise from established friendships – it is rearing its ugly head in the virtual world.

My insecurities and also my lifestyle is making me a rubbish blogger. I set myself a goal to post at least once a week – however when the school holidays came around I couldn’t even do that.

So I opted to be a “Term Time Blogger” – whatever that means!

And yet hospital appointments, illness, broken computer and just Time have been humongous hurdles.

Why I am a rubbish blogger - Blue Diary which says I am very busyCredit: @rekitanicoledesigns

Consistency is my challenge.

In every part of my life.

The only constant is being a carer. That is the only thing that gets all of my time and energy. No matter how I feel I Have to be a mummy carer. I can be ill – but I’ll still have to get her to nursery, cook, go therapy.

But blogging – it has to take a backseat and with it my virtual friendships have to be put down.

The friendships are far too new for real understanding or empathy to materialise. They don’t “know me” as I haven’t had a chance to let my guards down properly and try and connect.  I haven’t had the real time to either…in between glancing at my phone I am in a continuous world wind of actions that start at the crack of dawn and don’t really stop…

And so…

My communication is sporadic, ill timed and often lacks the the information that has been shared amongst the group. So I am on the outside through no fault of my own or the others.

But that along with my inability to blog consistently has left me feeling pretty rubbish of late. 

But as I always try and do – I’ll end on a positive.

I was super proud of myself to me nominated for the MAD Blog awards. It was the best recognition and boost I could have in the first few weeks of blogging.

I didn’t get shortlisted to the finals but it didn’t matter at all 🙂

I was again really proud and honoured to be asked to guest post on – an imperfect mums blog. Catie is a wonderfully informative character who blogs with honesty and hope about her journey as a mum and her adventures with Autism and so to be featured was something I am so grateful for.

Lastly I’m happy my 10 tips for boosting speech and language is my most popular post to date- whilst I’d love my inner musings to be the draw to my blog for a purely egotistical reasons having that post supported and RTd and pinned gives me hope it may help another family archieve that massive goal of getting their little ones to speak a little bit quicker.

Anyway – the next post might be next week- it might not- we will see!

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20 thoughts on “Why I suck at blogging

  1. You know we love you anyway right? It doesn’t matter how often you are there and whether our experiences are different – we are still here for you whenever you get a second to pick up your phone & you can talk to us about anything. This post has made me more determined to get Stand As One up and running as soon as possible so we can find all the amazing mummies like you a support network that truly understands. But we aren’t paying you lip service darling I promise xxx #tribe

    1. Thank you hun, I was having a disheartened week and feeling rubbish about not having time to do what I want. Perhaps an adult tantrum! Jokes aside I appreciate your kind words and know I have to relax and just enjoy the process x

  2. Oh Nadine I am sorry to hear you feel this way. I think you are genuinely an inspiration and it doesn’t matter to me when you can’t keep up constantly with the thousands of messages!! You have been kind and supportive since I have ‘known’ you. Your parenting challenges are different but we still want to hear about them whenever you want to share. Your blog definitely provides hope and advice for people!

    1. Thanks hun, I hope it does and I am thankful for being in the “Tribe’ as actually you guys are a really understanding lot. I think I was just getting frustrated at not having the freedom I sometimes want to get on with it.But I need to relax as the blog will be there when the drama simmers down again xx

  3. I don’t know what I can say to do this post justice. I’ve just spent about 10 minutes writing a comment, deleting, repeat.Firstly- This is not such “a weird one”! And you don’t suck.
    Quality not quantity. It doesn’t matter if you have to be flexible with posting- the fact you manage to blog at all is fantastic. You might not feel like it, but you are a part of a community- I’m sure I only joined in with tribal chat because of a tweet of yours.
    Thank you for letting us into your life! The virtual is always here when you have time!x

    1. I so appreciate your message 🙂 xx Yes its not the quantity, I was getting side tracked with awards, numbers, brands and all the stuff that is not of great importance to me at the moment. Thank you for being their ‘virtually’ that sometimes can be enough xx

  4. Hi Nadine, happy to have found your blog through Diary of an Imperfect Mum! I know you haven’t time for it, but… would you like to join our Facebook group of SEND bloggers?! We all get the time pressure, appointments and stress chats, and there is no pressure to blog or post other than when you want. Let me know 🙂 Am on Twitter as @stephc007 if that’s easier x
    Steph Curtis recently posted…Siblings ~ May 2016

  5. Oh lovely! This makes me really sad to read this! You are part of the fold whether you like it or not lady! We never want you to feel like you can’t open up, or share your day, just because our experiences are different, doesn’t make yours any less valid! I know you are always extremely busy, but I’m going to make it my mission to help support you, and get set up along the way with a new tribe of parent bloggers with disabled children. You deserve support from families who can truly understand and empathise with what you’re feeling and going through! I count my blessings that I wasn’t born with my disability, so my mum didn’t have to face the struggles that you are facing with milestones in development, but she certainly made up for it over the years! I do know the struggles of constant hospital appointments and the daily slog of getting on with mundane tasks . Always here for you, whenever you want to chat I’m around, you can hear the newest funny story of me walking into walls again! 😉 Big hugs and lots and lots of love! Xxxxxxx #TribalLove

    1. Hey Sass, I adore your message, thank you 🙂 I am lucky to be in the group and appreciate the kindness people have expressed. When you keep stuff in your head or to yourself you make assumptions on what people do/do not want to hear or know. I am learning to be more open. I love blogging and didn’t start to make money so I realise I must not get crazy if a couple of weeks go by and I do not post anything. Thank you hun taking that virtual hug xxxxx

  6. I’ve only just read this Nadine. I’m sorry you feel like this, I really am…it must feel very lonely at times or often. Hopefully over time the online world and us included can be a support network when you need it…maybe not all the time and maybe the chat isn’t always in sync with what you’re going through in your day but perhaps we can be there if you want us to be for whatever. I can completely understand wanting to connect with people who really, truly face the same challenges as you do and I hope you can find a way to do that at some point but people with different challenges might still be able to offer something. Is understanding and empathy no good unless it’s total? I don’t know. One think I do know is that you are not ‘failing’ at blogging. Your blog is wonderful, your writing captivating and, like you said about your speech post, your content resonates with and helps others. Xxx

    1. Lucy, I love how you put things. And you are right – empathy can be of great support even if they haven’t been through it. I am guilty of shutting my thoughts and world off. In an attempt to just get on with it – but I alienate myself and grow resentful of imagined idealic alternative lives. As I found after writing this – people can offer help, suggestions and support in ways that can surprise you. I am learning to be more open and will try not to punish myself for not having the time to give at times to the blog xx

  7. It can be lonely and it can be hard……it can be tiring and it can be sad. You look around and everyone is really just getting on with their own lives. But whenever I feel down and out….I just look into the eyes of Toddler H. When he gives you his amazing smile and says the words ‘Mama’. (one of the few words he can say at 4)…….Nadine……its more than worth it. And you just know you are blessed with an amazing gift. A special child.
    You are amazing…..and what you do is amazing. Your posts are captivating and so inspiring. Even though I don’t get the time to follow everyday….I can’t stop reading the day I do open it up!! I’ve finally found someone who can really share her heartbeat and I can so easily understand. You are a gift. Please keep at it!!
    What you are doing is like working with our kids……we may never see the effect of all our hard work and sacrifices in the short term. But one day you will look back and say……it was worth it.xxx

    1. 🙁 I miss you! Come back! Such a beautiful message I really do hope it is helping others like you say. It can most definitely be lonely and hard (and frustrating and annoying lool) but yes we are blessed and I must enjoy the journey and not resent what I see as a hinderance. In the times I can’t blog I am giving my all to a beautiful gift. That I must not forget. See you soon I hope xx

  8. Nadine! Don’t feel like you are failing, there are so many part to life (and blogging) and sometimes priorities can get muddled. I am a tribster who fails completely at the DM side of things, and only really manages the Twitter chat by the skin of my teeth. But the truth be told, I just can’t keep up with it all. I know the feeling of not quite being in the crowd rather well and I can completely empathise with you on that. Actually I think that feeling like probably hinders rather than helps, but it’s hard to change isn’t it?!? I think it that writing posts that help other people is really valuable contribution to be making, so be proud of yourself for that. Keep going, take it as it comes. Xxx

    1. Thank you so much Alice 🙂 yes it is hard to keep up with the hundreds of messages but I have let it go. I pick up when I can and let the guilt go. I am happy to connect with so many wonderful bloggers like yourself. I have never been in the ‘In’ crowd so why break a habit of a lifetime lol. I hope my posts do help others, that is my hope, I guess time may tell. By the way I LOVE your fillingglass.com blog xx

    1. 🙂 would love to have you! We have a live chat on a Tuesday at 8PM GMT if you can make it? search #tribalchat on twitter xx

      1. Will have to check it out if I can! It’s the first week out of school, so I may be to tired to make it.

  9. Hey Girlie, Your piece made me really sad – but having read all the comments by your supporters, I truly hope you continue to share, learn and inspire.

    Keep doing what you doing no matter how few and far between your blogs are. As Kate says “One day you will look back and say It was worth it”

    You are a fantastic mother and carer, not only that, you the greatest daughter and sister anyone could ask for. Keep up the great writings my amazing girl.
    Your daughter G has chosen wisely – she chose YOU to be the one to look after her, guide her, teach her and be the best ROLE MODEL for her.
    Love you lots xx

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