Why did I start blogging? Well in my naivety I thought I would change lives, maybe even the world. Possibly help others who have young babies / toddlers who have Special needs
I would share all I had learnt and save people time, money, frustration and helplessness.
Because they are all the things I felt at the start of this journey.
I’m altruistic by nature and always want to help people.
But I also wanted to let people into my world, explain and draw people into the alternative parenting world that is raising a child with special needs. In my real world I have people in my life who fail to understand or show an appreciation for the complexities of this lifestyle. I have people who make assumptions, make covert criticisms and who have lost any real interest in the everyday mundane tasks that are involved in the continuous caring for a child with complex needs.
I mean how many times can I say I have to go to the hospital before people just take it as the norm?
How many time do I have to say that I’m tired before people secretly roll their eyes and reply silently that “I’m always tired”
When does it become less of a worry when I say G is unwell again?
Well the truth is people tire of this information pretty quickly. When the new shiny baby that was cooed over isn’t as shiny and new anymore – the visits, calls and texts dry up.
When I’ve visited the hospital more than 150 times – it just gets boring to ask what’s happening with us right?
And so whilst my reality world has faded to a small circle of confidants – I hoped that my virtual world may open up – I would connect with like minded or those on a similar path.
Well the truth is 5 months in of blogging and I haven’t. I have been lucky enough to stumble into a lovely Tribal group which is a 50+ strong army of mummy bloggers. And whilst it is a great comfort to see 159 unread messages on my phone.
It has further highlighted my lifestyle difference. I haven’t the time to be “social”. I don’t have the time to read those messages get knee deep in conversations about website hosting or article reviews. I haven’t the time to engage in banter about BIBs or Mads or follower numbers (mine is 899 at the time of writing!).
I can’t engage with talk about what age did people’s children started walking – (2years , 11 months) or when their child slept through the night without waking (3 years 11 months) or when they started feeding themselves- or potty training (still waiting). Because what I have to say is SO different and not relevant to a tribe of mothers raising children without Special needs.
But I am not blaming my daughters differences on why I can’t get involved. I am blaming me for not wanting to share those differences…
I would like to – as I can see it is a great community. Genuine friendships are being formed and yet I know I am not one of those who is making friends.
As I mentioned in my Ending Friendships post, I always had this niggling thought “They don’t like me” and whilst I’ve found a way to try and heal from those feelings that arise from established friendships – it is rearing its ugly head in the virtual world.
My insecurities and also my lifestyle is making me a rubbish blogger. I set myself a goal to post at least once a week – however when the school holidays came around I couldn’t even do that.
So I opted to be a “Term Time Blogger” – whatever that means!
And yet hospital appointments, illness, broken computer and just Time have been humongous hurdles.
Consistency is my challenge.
In every part of my life.
The only constant is being a carer. That is the only thing that gets all of my time and energy. No matter how I feel I Have to be a mummy carer. I can be ill – but I’ll still have to get her to nursery, cook, go therapy.
But blogging – it has to take a backseat and with it my virtual friendships have to be put down.
The friendships are far too new for real understanding or empathy to materialise. They don’t “know me” as I haven’t had a chance to let my guards down properly and try and connect. I haven’t had the real time to either…in between glancing at my phone I am in a continuous world wind of actions that start at the crack of dawn and don’t really stop…
My communication is sporadic, ill timed and often lacks the the information that has been shared amongst the group. So I am on the outside through no fault of my own or the others.
But that along with my inability to blog consistently has left me feeling pretty rubbish of late.
But as I always try and do – I’ll end on a positive.
I was super proud of myself to me nominated for the MAD Blog awards. It was the best recognition and boost I could have in the first few weeks of blogging.
I didn’t get shortlisted to the finals but it didn’t matter at all 🙂
I was again really proud and honoured to be asked to guest post on – an imperfect mums blog. Catie is a wonderfully informative character who blogs with honesty and hope about her journey as a mum and her adventures with Autism and so to be featured was something I am so grateful for.
Lastly I’m happy my 10 tips for boosting speech and language is my most popular post to date- whilst I’d love my inner musings to be the draw to my blog for a purely egotistical reasons having that post supported and RTd and pinned gives me hope it may help another family archieve that massive goal of getting their little ones to speak a little bit quicker.
Anyway – the next post might be next week- it might not- we will see!